New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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