I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I'm passing your future prison.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize