I'm jealous of your bromance
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
