I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
the room spins SO much faster in panama
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
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