goodnight i made you a song goodbye
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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