How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
