My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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