Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Randomize
