its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
