lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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