The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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