I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
