he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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