There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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