She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
He shit in the fireplace
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
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