Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
