if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
