I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
