just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize