Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
