Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
