You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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