I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
