Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
