walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
