i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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