if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Randomize
