I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
