wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
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you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
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I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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