She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
is this the sara with the beer cane?
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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