I feel like abortions should bother me more
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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