and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
