Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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