She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.