covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
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She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
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Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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