I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
