do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Randomize
