I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
