Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
This baby is an asshole
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Randomize
