Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
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At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
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ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
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