Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
