I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
