how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
