do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
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