Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
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she said she was living bicuriously through me.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
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What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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