drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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