i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
third nipple confirmed
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Dear god my vagina.
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