Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
