As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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