I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
