Where did you get a picture of my penis
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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