Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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