you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
