I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
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