I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
You're earring is so big in my mouth
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
