I looked at my own cervix.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Randomize
