She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
