I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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