chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I think I won the penis lottery.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize