Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
