Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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