Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
